Why I Started Writing
December 7, 2020

Imagine that your mind is collapsing in on itself, and you can't trust yourself. Pretend that you have less energy every day. Wouldn't you want to escape into another world where technology could take away illness and pain. I did.

Naturally, my first story reflected the physical and mental anguish I was going through.  As I faced the possibility of a downward spiral, I imagined a life in which one could live forever, but with a twisted fate. I wrote a story about a guy who could heal from anything, but because of that he got the worst job ever. He trained to do all the painful things that nobody else could recover from. Years of pain and mental anguish.


Inevitably, he runs into trouble, and he has to endure more. Like me, he found himself isolated and losing all he was with every passing year. Ryan's story is mine.

For me, life grew progressively worse over a two-year timespan. My brain slipped. My body grew shakier and weaker. Pain spread throughout every bit of flesh and bone. My life crumbled. I quit my job, had limited ability to see friends, and went out on fewer and fewer outings. So, created a new life, an imaginary one, through world building and seeing through my characters' eyes. On many days I couldn't concentrate enough to write. But on good days the writing was therapeutic.

Dark humor was essential for my mental recovery. As they found out what I had, nerve damage that caused dysautonima (described here) I received new meds and the worst of the symptoms shrunk in time. The sick jokes that circled around my brain found their way out my fingers onto the glowing box in front of me. That's how Ryan Char, his internal AI, and the DAY AFTER INFINITY were born.


Now, I'm in a much better state, bringing a lighter phase to my life. Along with my improvement, I wrote a lighter novel for my son, I NANO. Set in a dystopian future, Mazz finds himself pulled into a superhero saga with a defined magic system. It is my hope that I will continue to improve with the melt of the glaciers and my writing won't be defined by my chronic illness. Until then, I'll continue writing what my sole needs.

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J.F. Lawrence | Jesse Lawrence
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